Why do I write?

My time of unemployment has gone from being productive, to freeing time up for more writing, to not actually doing much writing, to slowly rolling down the hill toward a pit of depression and laziness. I’m lacking the push to write, probably because wallowing at home doesn’t give you much to go with.

Anyway, Jen Brubacher of the blog scribo ergo sum tagged me in a meme that asks one scary question: why do I write?

I thought an attempt to answer the question might be the rope I need to fling up high, find ground, and drag me back out of this well.

Perhaps writing is a bit for the ego, wanting to produce something for people to read, perhaps it’s just fun, perhaps I do it because it’s cheaper than trying to make blockbuster movies, perhaps it’s a bit of all of those and something else, a bit of a challenge.

See, the other side of me that most people know is that my life is incredibly political. I’d argue that it might be the more important part of me. And it bleeds into my writing and informs the things I feature in my stories and poetry, but creative writing is a very inefficient way of arguing politics.

It can’t replace going to a protest, just writing a damn article or making a straight-up argument. That seems to be more important to me to convincing people of the need and way to change the world.

But I think writing and literature can do something else. It adds another layer that the obvious can’t.

I like to explore the world in more detail, and lately since becoming more into poetry, it is the search for the right image, right metaphor, right analogy that makes writing a challenging pursuit. I’m trying to find ways to express myself and understand the world that adds something to my whole conception of how the world works. It colours my arguments and adds weight to it, perhaps in ways that most people can’t see.

For me, writing isn’t so much about convincing people of a point of view, but perhaps adding conviction or cementing ideas or feelings already held. I think good writing hits you because it relates to things you already know, even if it can sometimes tell you something new.

So I write to explore things further. If I see something, experience something, hear of something, that inspires me, or saddens me, or pisses me off (ok, usually pisses me off), I want to write about it to explain why, sometimes only to explain to myself why I feel like that.

I think the problem I’m having at the moment is there’s nothing coming into my head that I need to process through writing. Work often threw at me something like that, or if it wasn’t work, there’s something going on in the world or the news that I want to write about. Without those, sometimes it’s culture that inspires me. I’ve got none of that at the moment.

Perhaps I need to go searching.

Why do you write? I’m meant to tag people, but if I don’t tag you, go ahead and do it anyway:
Sam Van Zweden
Scott Stewart
Jessica Smith
Alan Baxter

Meme: Tag! I'm it!

It appears I’ve been tagged, like how when kids run around playing tag or whatever we called it in this part of the world when I was a kid. But it’s also an electronic tag, so it appears I’ve regressed to 10 years old and run around the Internet (that was nothing like it is now) and truth be told, I was very happy to be tagged. I was kind of like those kids who play catch and kiss and run around for a bit and then freeze, with my eyes closed squealing “Don’t kiss me! Don’t kiss me!” when I really wanted nothing more than to be kissed.

I was tagged by fellow Chinese Whisperings contributor, Jen Brubacher of Scribo Ergo Sum.

I haven’t done a meme in ages (people hate them for some reason, but I love them) so am allowing myself to do this one, answer some questions – and actually be mean and tag some people too.

1. If you could have any superpower, what would you have? Why?

Definitely the ability to stop time, or alter it. Work goes by so slowly. The weekend goes too quickly. I want more time to write, more time to play around and less time to work.

2. Who is your style icon?

People either answered this as a fashion style icon, or a writing style icon. Both change for me all the time and depending on my mood.

For writing at the moment, it’s mostly Chuck Palahniuk. I love his short and blunt style. It’s edgy. I’d like to lose the masochism element of him though. He influences my writing stylistically but less so for other things like themes.

For fashion, it’s probably inspired by some emo frontman of a band I like – or some sort of mix. I don’t really emulate individuals more certain broad styles, which all include black, lots of black.

3. What is your favourite quote?

I’m a big fan of quotes. I love quoting writers and revolutionaries all the time – and feel like I’ve really struck gold if I find quotes from revolutionary writers or creative revolutionaries. One of my favourites at the moment, stemming from my fascination with questions around writing and politics, is of course from Karl Marx.

“The writer may very well serve a movement of history as its mouthpiece, but he cannot of course create it.”

4. What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?

I like compliments. I don’t get that many of them, but remember a woman who came up to me after reading on the open stage at The Spinning Room one night and complimented me on my strong voice and my passion when reading.

5. What playlist/CD is in your CD player/iPod right now?

I’ve been playing Dead Letter Circus a lot on my iPhone lately. I probably listen to it at least once every day or two. Am half way through the album now.

6. Are you a night owl or a morning person?

I’m a night owl by nature, but a morning person by circumstance having to work 9 to 5. So I often blog and write in the morning at work, and having to go to bed at like 12 to get up for work, I lose those best hours when everyone is still asleep.

7. Do you prefer dogs or cats?

Definitely cats. Dogs and saliva don’t mix with me and I get grossed out. Cats are cleaner and usually less energetic so it would be nice to have one to hang around in the house when writing.

8. What is the meaning behind your blog name?

My blog name isn’t very original. It was even less original when I started it. It was ‘Benjamin Solah’s blog’ but now ‘Benjamin Solah, Marxist Horror Writer.’ It seems to catch people’s attention and I’m remembered for the tag line I gave myself, a kind of new genre which comes out of the belief that capitalism is a horrific system and fits well with the horror genre.

Now it’s time to tag other people…

Jodi Cleghorn
Sam Van Zweden
Karen Lee Field
Kath Lockett
Kara McElhinny

NaNoWriMo Q&A

PA051022In preparation for National Novel Writing Month next November, I thought it would be fun to look back at previous NaNo’s and answer some questions about how I take part in the event.

These questions or this meme as you might call it is totally meant for people to use on their own blogs, Livejournals, Facebooks etc. Leave links in the comments section and I might compile a list.

Double points if you post a photo with your answers in some NaNoWriFic action shot like I have so awesomely done.

When and how did you find out about NaNoWriMo? How did you go?
I made my NaNo debut in 2004 after finding out about it from Karen Lee Field and it was right in the middle of my final high school exams. Needless to say, I didn’t write that much; probably less than 2,000 words in that month.

How many times have you done NaNoWriMo?
I’ve done it 5 times (2004-2008) so this will be sixth attempt, and second in Melbourne.

How many times have you won? If you haven’t won, what was your best result?
I’ve never won before. The closest I got was around 30,000 words in 2005 writing a sword and sorcery dark fantasy about revolution. The strength was in being unemployed.

How did you go last year?
Last year I got off to a blistering start, getting down 8,000 words in the first couple of days. But my first Melbourne Cup Public Holiday was my undoing, going out and getting fairly intoxicated the night before, making the next free day off totally wasted and I never managed to catch up.

Where do you write and with what do you write?
I do most of my writing either at home or at work, though this year I’d like to try cafes, libraries and other public places which would make it a bit more serious like going to work, except not.

I write with my laptop or my work computer. I’ve tried pen and paper once and it wasn’t that bad but I prefer typing. I’ll either use Word 2007 or OpenOffice this year though dream of owning a Macbook Pro and writing with Scrivener.

How do you find time to write?
I plan to do a lot of my writing at work, as it’s where I get most of my non-interrupted computer time. I haven’t tried early mornings and don’t like the idea of it, but perhaps should try it. I usually try to cut out social things during November but there are some things I’m not willing to give up even for writing – like political meetings and protests.

Are your partners, friends and family allies or enemies?
My partner is a supporter and will probably help to push me along. I have a few friends doing it this year, in real life and online. I think my family is mostly bewildered by the whole thing except for one of my sisters. The only enemy is work.

What are you strengths and what do you use to help you get to the end?
My strength is the fact that I can actually write half-decently and am a seasoned writer, not one of the people who just does it one month of the year. I always have a mass of enthusiasm, excitement and ideas from October onwards. I’ve become pretty good at just sitting down and writing, rather than thinking about it too much.

What are you weaknesses, obstacles and challenges that hinder you from finishing?
Time is certainly the biggest obstacle. Between work and politics, I don’t have a lot of free time to write as much as I’d like and really need to overcome this. I’m doing this by writing during work, but politics is something I need to work around not miss out on during the month.

In the past, missing a day or two has meant I fall behind and catching up makes it even harder to keep going.

Procrastination with Facebook, reading blogs and such tends to hold me back and I can tend toward being more into the social aspect of the month rather than the writing part.

Do you plot/outline/plan or do you write by the seat of your pants? How much do you plot or how unprepared are you?
In the past, I’ve swapped between just writing and actually planning. By far the best years have been planned novels, like the fantasy. Last year’s was planned really well and I want to do a similar level of planning this year.

I used the snowflake method last year, expanding the idea from a sentence to a paragraph, to a scene by scene outline. This year I plan to do this, plus character profiles and other cool stuff.

Do you participate in the real life community, go to write ins and meet ups in your area?
The community aspect of NaNo is one of the things that gets me coming back year after year. The excitement and motivation from people doing it with you is such a powerful tool and something you can’t replicate.

I’ve been to the kick off parties the past two years, and last year went to a few drink nights. This year I hope to try to get to some write ins before I throw in the towel.

What are your writing aids? Special snacks, music, totems, rewards or punishments?
Every year I plan to find chocolate cover coffee beans and every year, I can’t find them. Last year saw the biggest tub of lollies ever that we ate anyway after not writing. This year I think I’m planning on ginger ale and those soy crisp things known as ‘hippy snacks.’

I’m quite fond of music to shut out the world around me, especially music that captures the mood which is usually angry metal.

I wear my NaNo t-shirt so much it smells and perhaps might buy a hat or something to wear whilst writing.

And rewards have never worked for me because I just give myself the reward anyway. This year I’ll buy a Macbook Pro in December, but the reward for finishing is less guilt because I’ll deserve it.

Feel free to suggest punishments for failing.

Honest Scrap Award

Close writing ally, Jodi Cleghorn was kind enough to award me the “Honest Scrap Award” yesterday, given to people who post from the heart.

She said:

It is rare to come across someone so young (I’m allowed to say that Ben because you’re younger than me) who takes the time to be well read, to think deeply on complex issues and to provide honest, well thought out, passionate and well constructed writing. May you continue to keep true to your belief’s Ben – the world needs more youth like you.

I’m quite pleased with those comments and try to be honest and passionate as much as I can.

Now as per the rules of the award, I’m supposed to pass the award on to seven worthy blogs and list ten honest things about myself.

Writing in Black and White, Jodi Cleghorn – Easy to award her the first slot. She’s a genuinely generous person and has helped me with my writing a lot. Her blog exudes a genuine desire to succeed in this game whilst definitely not coming across as those people who “sell themselves.”

Unwakable, Lisa Dempster – Lisa’s blog is Lisa’s blog and not some blog that seems to be covered by some veneer of what she thinks other people want to hear about her. She always has thought-provoking posts especially the stuff about publishing.

Scribe’s Writing Desk, Karen Lee Field – I think Karen also wins the award for the longest standing member of my blogroll so I can vouch for her consistency and honesty, especially when she admitted she didn’t feeling like writing for a whole stretch of time.

Random thoughts from a random girl trying to write, Kmcelhinny – A newbie to blogging, K has amazed me with some really deep and insightful posts as of late. And I nominate in the desire that some other people give her a read because it’s a hidden treasure over there.

Blurb from the Burbs, Kath Lockett – On second thoughts, Kath should probably be at the top of the list. The acronym TMI (Too Much Information) would be accurate for Kath sometimes and her honest and confidence in herself comes through with her funny stories about her past and present.

Born for this, Jessica Solah – Recognize the surname? My sister is another newbie to blogging and her honest thoughts, not yet corrupted by blogging expectations and other adult pressures reminds me of my first forays into blogging and it is really refreshing to see. Us older ones could do better for being so honest.

Random Thoughts of the Writerly Kind, C R Ward – Whilst also winning this award for being an honest blogger full of lots of interesting things on her blog, I think Carol stands out for posting honest comments on my blog. That honesty and time taken needs to be rewarded in some way.

Now, I’m meant to reveal ten things about myself…

  1. I’ve done this before in a previous meme post, but actually love revealing secret facts about myself that other people usually wouldn’t want to reveal.
  2. I’m self-conscious about people watching me on the train, especially if I’m with my partner. I wonder what they think of me and whether I’m normal. Perhaps this is because I watch people too.
  3. I envy people with musical abilities, especially those that can sing and play guitar. I have dreams of being a rock star, preferably glam rock with make-up because you get more attention that being a writer.
  4. On that note, I wish writing was more conducive to doing gigs and have often dreamed of doing readings to a moshpit full of fans, or angry performance poetry.
  5. I often dream too much of marketing, doing book launches and the like instead of actually doing the writing.
  6. I dream of not being a bestselling author, but one of those authors that right-wing columnists dedicate their columns to, condemning me as someone who is degrading society or other such right-wing hysteria.
  7. I buy books faster than I read them. I’m scared I’ll never have the time to read all the books I want to before I die.
  8. I want to have children. I didn’t want to admit it because I thought people think it’s weird that men want kids.
  9. I crave protests. There’s something liberating, releasing, and replenishing about it, the whole screaming your anger thing and doing it with a whole bunch of other people.
  10. The things I’ve revealed again are things that I probably should be embarrassed about but really want people to know.

Five Word Meme

Felicity Dowker has kindly given me five words that remind her of me. The point of this meme is to take the five words and “waffle” about what they mean to you. Felicity gave me: Marxism, revolution, capitalism, horror and office.

Marxism

I came to adhere to this world view as a teenager outraged by a world driven by profit. It was a raw emotion and it’s quite likely I could have been swayed to various world views but Marxism offered me that most accurate explanation of the world as well as the most effective solution to overcome it.

It can appear as quite a simplistic world view at times, depending on how you approach it but the more you delve into it, you find complicated elements such as the ins and outs of Marxist Economics.

But as a worker, I find the theories of exploitation and alienation the most fascinating; it’s a theory about how you can spend so much of your time under the control of others, your boss, and how your work and labour is the highest expression of being human but under capitalism you’re the most disconnected from it.

Revolution

This can seem to be the most exciting element of Marxist politics. I’ve often dwelled too much on it; when it will come and how it will happen. But slowly you learn that this is something largely out of your control. But I know the act of revolting and breaking free of the chains of capitalism will be the most liberating thing one can do.

And it’s something I’d like to explore more with my writing. The problem being is that it’s difficult to predict and blueprint how a revolution will turn out so I don’t want readers to interpret my events in a story about a revolution as some dogmatic interpretation of how a revolution would break out in Australia.

Though one thing I’m sure of is that it is possible.

Capitalism

If you’ve read my blog for any time you might come to think I hate capitalism. And you’d be right. It can seem quite simplistic to blame one thing for basically all of society’s problems, but it’s important to see capitalism as an economic system that influences everything especially our personal relations with other people.

Capitalism to me is soulless, often ignoring humanity in the pursuit of profit, violent in the pursuit of profit. Capitalism really is one big driven monster, ever hungry for profits like any Godzilla or Thing. It’s conniving and sneaky, twisted like a serial killer. And able to morph and appear at times charming like a wicked carnival creature or clown.

Horror

Horror has taken different forms for me. As a young teenager, it was the shock, the controversy and the gore. My current self would’ve described the young Ben as expressing his alienation, expressing his frustration with the limitations as a teenager under capitalism. My younger self might have agreed but expressed this in a less articulate form. Nevertheless, as a political pacifist back then, I saw a real juxtaposition between myself politically and as a writer – hence the title of my self-published short story collection in 2005, Sanity Juxtaposed.

But it was increasingly that I saw real life horrors dwarf those in books and movies. I found locking children up in desert camps for claiming asylum as horrifying, civilians murdered in wars overseas as horrifying, the idea of spending my life working for someone else as horrifying. Now I see women forced to have backyard abortions as horrifying and people living in tent cities after being made redundant as horrifying.

I almost see the horror writer as like a reporter. Journos report the horrors of the world in real life. Horror is a reflection of the world, albeit in a fictional form, reflecting a kind of caricatured version of reality, violent and scary.

Office

The office for me symbolises the ultimate in blandness, monotony, boredom, conformity and your life whittled down to your time being occupied by someone else. I loathe the time spent at the office, though I don’t think I’d be cut out for a labouring job. Being at the computer allows a certain avenue for productive time wasting i.e. this blog.

But the movie Office Space is certainly an accurate reference for how I see the office. And the office has often been a setting for my writing. The appearance of the setting appears bland, but it is the over-active minds of those chained to their cubicles that holds something interesting, forced to keep their deepest desires held inside their heads, leading them eventually to burst.

I could waffle on for ages about all of these topics and indeed approach them for different angles but I tried to relate a lot of it in some way to both writing and politics. Feel free to ask me more related questions.

If you want to play, scream “Words!” in the comments section and I’ll give you some words to play by.

meme, words, Marxism, revolution, capitalism, horror, office

Trust Me

‘Sometimes you can learn more about a person by what they don’t tell you. Sometimes you can learn a lot from the things they just make up. If you are tagged with this Meme, lie to me. Then tag 7 other folks (one for each deadly sin) and hope they can lie.’

This meme has been floating around the Blogosphere the past week and L.R. Bonehill was kind enough to tag me.

Pride: What is your biggest contribution to the world?

I led a worker’s revolution in Azerbaijan in 1996, like a real one that wasn’t Stalinist. And then wrote a book about it. And then the BBC loved me by filming a special about the great Aussie horror writer who liberated the people of Azerbaijan.

Envy: What do your co-workers wish they had which is yours?

My determined work ethic.

Gluttony: What did you eat last night?

2 kilograms of Roasted Kangaroo (nothing like meat from your nation’s Coat of Arms) topped with a litre of gravy.

Lust: What really lights your fire?

I’m turned on by rioters, glistening with sweat from the burning police cars all around them.

Anger: What is the last thing that really pissed you off?

Bludgers at work. Can’t they be grateful they have a job? Their boss does so much for them.

Greed: Name something you keep from others.

The millions of dollars in royalties I’m still collecting for Revolts: My Worker’s Revolution in Azerbaijan.

Sloth: What’s the laziest thing you’ve ever done?

I actually slept in during the insurrection of the parliament of Azerbaijan, so got a ghost writer to write that part.

I’ve cruelly kindly passed this on and tagged Isaac, Terrie, Karen, Ash, Neil, Kath and Carol. Have fun guys! :D

meme